Better left unsaid

Today... unlike most days
The truth did not set me free.
Instead it put me into a box.
A small, tight and congested box.

In this box I cannot move.
I do not try.
My words put me in it
My mind nailed it shut with my words
and my regret won't let me out

I believe in sayin what you mean and meaning what you say.
But that should not always be the case.
And my little box, is my proof.

If only life was like a blank tape in a VCR
You can press stop or pause anytime you want
Most importantly you can rewind and rerecord
If my life was a VCR...
I fast forward to gain the lessons
and then rewind and record over the mistakes...

My honesty has gotten the best of me..
Though its not me I am so worried about...
I know what i've done and maybe not why I've done it
But i accept the things I cannot change..
Or I did..
Until today.

I truly don't know how to mend
the mess my words have gotten me into
I am not sure I will break free from this box
I want too, does that count?

How does a person release themselves from there past
Whether it be certain memories or people...
For every goodbye I've said... I've never let go of the past
It does not mean I want that past in my present
But I've always managed to hold a piece..
I am forever damaged and scarred
Like an antique I always view it to be character...

Tonight I found it to be imperfection
and not the beautiful kind.

I am who I am...I've done what I've done
I face that fact everyday
The real question is..
Who else will?

Who else wants damaged and scarred goods?
This writing should feel like freedom
It doesn't.. it's made the box smaller and tighter
As the walls close in..
I fear I may have lost my only potential hero.

Words have weight.
They are the nails holding down the lid to my box that they built
Will I ever be free?

No matter what tomorrow brings...
It's been said..
Whether it should or shouldn't have..
Is irrelevant, and thats unfortunate.

Around my head spins and the box gets tighter.
I know its closing in..
I am terrified.