I suppose I am back...

READERS: it's been a while!
I return to this blog no more guided or assured then when I first posted...
is this just how it is?
as kids we think adults hold all the secret information then as we grow up we realize they are JUST AS CLUELESS.... how disappointing!

25 years experience i have at this whole "life" thing and yet...
I am as helpless and lost as a 2 year old..
A QUARTER OF A CENTURY AND STILL AS DAFT AS AN INFANT. . .
sad really.

I have gone from the should of been euro trip which lead to one hell of a wicked year of goodbye parties with some of the greatest people alive. . .to meeting people who share my actual DNA... to serious unemployment...to the perfect guy...to running a shoe store... all of this has happened, clearly "nutshelled" but damn man ALLLLLL that "growth"...but, ultimately still NOTHING!

The following are facts:
1. being a boss takes 50% more out of you then not(assuming u actually work!)
2. being an older sister is incredible rewarding and demanding (especially if u're new at it)
3. being a girlfriend takes more than smiles and kisses
4. being a friend means making time to see them and talk to them
5. I have successfully managed to fail all the above through one means or another.

Somehow the domino effect escaped the realm which contained it and it is now spiraling my life out of control...

what i want... what i need is a solution, the age old secret that so few possess.. myself included.. when one feels broken, at wits end... at their "breaking point" do you just press on? ignore it? face it (which btw HOW?) or well dammit what?

I am a smart young woman, capable of more than i'm sure i even know and yet when these times come to pass where i am at my utmost mental lowest of lows i find myself totally and utterly incapable of helping myself..

can't help but REPEATEDLY ask myself, why?

as for seeking outsider input.. forget it, no one is you and therefore no one sees, feels or comprehends how YOU feel. i am so sick of the "everything will be fine" speech or "just wait and see" speech
you know what i say to those?
KISS MY NONEXISTENT DICK!

Peanut - out!